Untitled
by Eradicated Illness
Summary: 1x2x5, Wufei is one lonely child and no one knows what to do. Is the one solution the Gboys can think of permament? Or will it only have negative effects?
1. 1

Ok this popped out of nowhere. Obviously it's 1x2, but I don't know anything else about it.  
  
It might actually be Wufei's POV.  
  
~`~  
  
It was strange seeing Heero-the Perfect Soldier, Mr. Missions-Are-My-Life, the King of Death Threats-being romanced by the one and only Duo Maxwell. It had taken him so long to open up, and he was still so unsure of people. He was still shy of relationships of any kind.  
  
I watched them now, through the window in their little moment of privacy. Heero was sitting on the counter, his legs dangling over the sides, with Duo just barely between his knees and his hands lightly on Heero's waist, as they shared soft kisses and sweet whispers.  
  
Despite his strength, this was all the contact Heero could bear. He himself had his own hands behind him on the counter, propping himself up in a slightly obtuse angle, with his head tilted back just slightly. It had taken a month just to get to this stage.  
  
Then they broke apart, and gazed at each other. Both their head shifted towards the door, and Heero jumped down from the counter and began washing his hands at the sink, while Duo leaned against the smooth wooden table. Then Quatre and Trowa walked into the room, and, on seeing the other two ex- pilots, exchanged knowing smiles.  
  
Heero and Duo hid their actions from the rest of us (my guesses were because Heero was still so insecure about their relationship), even though they had told us about it when it started. ~`~  
  
okay folks this might be a one-timer.  
  
Who knows?  
  
I'll try to write more and I'm sorry it was so short, but my sister is kicking me off the computer.  
  
Gah.  
  
SO tell me what you think and where you think I should go with this.  
  
Thanks.  
  
Ja.  
  
Btw. I am writing my other fics. I AM!! 


	2. 2

Hey there again! Hey look I'm actually writing something! I haven't done this in a long time! WELL anyway I should get writing before I'm discouraged or kicked off the compy or something.  
  
O and if someone could recommend a name for this fic it would be great! The whole 'untitled' thing is bothering me.  
  
~`~  
  
I shifted out of sight of the window, and then climbed down the tree. I didn't want them to know I had been spying on them, much as I was ashamed of my actions. I didn't want them to know I had been milking off of their happiness.  
  
I had no right. I knew it. I should try to stop, but there is so precious little joy in my own life. When I had both my feet firmly planted on the ground, I looked up the tree. I had been high up the pine tree, right at the very top. I shouldn't climb so high, I could fall and break something, or worse, be killed.  
  
I gazed into the sky and judged it was late afternoon by the sun. My eyes fell on the window I had been looking into three stories up, and Quatre's face peered at me. I shoved my hands in my pockets, and strolled towards the door that let out onto the gardens.  
  
The mansion was Quatre's. After the war, he had invited us to stay with him and we had all accepted, having either nothing better to do or nowhere to go. Quatre himself was often gone on business, running Winner Enterprises took a lot of his time and energy, and when that happened, Trowa would take off for the circus for a few weeks. The kitchen I had been looking into wasn't the real kitchen, just a little one for when Quatre felt like puttering around covered in flour and private use for the rest of us.  
  
Upon opening the door I walked in and headed for my room on the second floor. It was a set of five rooms, one of which was a full bath, three were unused (and gathering dust), and one I used for everything else. In that room, there was my simple pallet, blanket, and pillow, a wardrobe, and a bookshelf where I kept my things. Needless to say the shelves were sparsely laden with a few books and a few mementos from the war. I hadn't thought it necessary to acquire more possessions.  
  
A bell rang out above the mansion. The summons for dinner. I changed into more formal attire, completely in white, before ascending to the dining hall. Quatre sat at the head of the table, with us on each side of us. Most of the fine mahogany piece was empty. On Quatre's left sat Heero and Duo, and on his right, myself and Trowa. Quatre exchanged looks with Trowa, then Duo, and then looked at me before discreetly lowering his eyes to his plate. Heero and Duo snuck glances at each other, and occasionally at me, but mostly kept their gazes down as well.  
  
This bothered me for some reason. There was something they knew and I didn't, and in the war, withholding information could cost lives. But this wasn't the war, I told myself sternly. Perhaps it is one of Duo's pranks, with a surprise at the end so as to cause no hard feelings. I rolled my eyes. Nataku knew there had been enough of them.  
  
I decided I could not take the shifty eyes any longer and abruptly excused myself from the table.  
  
~`~  
  
Well that was a short chapter. Sorry!  
  
Hey at least I'm updating!  
  
Please expect more short chapters for this one, I'm trying to get back into the habit of updating. 


	3. 3

Hey there! Hey hey! Look! I'm updating! It's a miracle! I think I hold the record for unfinished fics that I'm actually planning on finishing, y'know? I think up great plot lines and stuff for them but they just sit there and don't do anything.  
  
I'm so sorry for the last two short chapters. I don't know how long this one is going to be. It might be short. In fact it probably will be *sweatdrop*. BUT!!! There is lime-age ahead! Much of it! Though not in this chapter me thinks *sweatdrop*. But the chapter -with- the lime-age will be kinda long if not long because there's not one, but TWO pieces of heavy lime! Whee!  
  
Before I stop writing, I'm going to start.  
  
~`~  
  
Untitled - Chapter Three (I think, it's been a while *sweatdrop* Is this even the right fic?)  
  
~`~  
  
Wufei paced his room in agitation. Something was up, and. . . Wait a minute. I was writing this in first person wasn't I?  
  
Let's start over.  
  
~`~  
  
I paced my room in agitation. Something was up, and nobody was bothering to tell me anything about it. Either that or they didn't want me to know. The latter seemed more likely. If the information had been that vital, I would have been informed immediately. There was an. . . awkward air about the whole house and I hadn't seen anyone for several hours. Duo usually came knocking, or rather he came in with or without permission, to 'hang out'. I think it was his way of making sure we stayed friends. Quatre usually stopped by for a friendly hello or a cup of tea, too.  
  
Meditation did nothing to calm me, and my favorite book caused a headache to form, throbbing against my right temple. This had to end now!  
  
I marched straight to my door and pulled it right open, fully prepared to take on the world, and found Heero and Duo, the latter of which had his hand raised as if to knock, standing there blinking at me. My mouth formed a small 'o' shape in surprise.  
  
"Oh! Er, can I help you?"  
  
"Actually, yes." Said Duo, shifting from foot to foot, his posture radiating unease. Heero didn't say anything, and his face remained stony, but his back was too rigid, and his movements too stiff. Clear signs of distress. Duo looked up and down the hallway quickly, before grasping Heero's forearm in one hand, a reflexive gesture in my opinion. "Could we come in?"  
  
I nodded and moved aside to allow them passage. I shut the door behind them and eyed them suspiciously. They were behaving peculiarly. They would shuffle close together, subconsciously I believed, then realize what they were doing and seem to spring apart. This process was repeated several times, combined with shifty eyes trying to covertly examine my room and myself. Frankly I was a little unnerved by this display. This was not the Heero and Duo I was friends with. Or comrades, or something. . .  
  
I wasn't sure what the relationship between the other ex-pilots and myself was. I hadn't bothered to communicate much with them after the war. It was a little strange, considering we lived together. Most social interactions that included myself had to be initiated by the others, and as you can imagine, I was never very close with Heero or Trowa. Every now and then, Quatre managed to spark a full conversation between us on politics or economics or some other such thing. Occasionally I ranted about some simple, but unchangeable aspect of the world, such as the incurable common cold (which, due to its ever-changing nature, and despite our genetically- enhanced bodies, us Gundam pilots always manage to contract) and injustice. I felt a little guilty, mooching off of Quatre as I was, but I justified it by reminding myself that I had indeed tried to leave at one point, and had been stopped at water-gun-point before I could even finish packing my bag. I can still remember his voice yelling at me: We suffered through the war together Wufei, and goddamnit we're gonna stay together!  
  
I had never heard him swear before.  
  
I shifted my attention back to my guests. They were looking at each other, as if conversing without words. Knowing them, they probably had their own secret language. Finally Duo looked back at me. I raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Well," he started, "Wereyouwatchingus? Earlier, in the kitchen I mean. . . when we were. . . ahem," he coughed, "Quatre said he saw you out the window."  
  
I stared at the floor guiltily, my cheeks flaring with heat. Yes, I had been watching them in their moment of tenderness. I shifted my gaze to the ceiling and cleared my throat. "I-That is-Yes." I quickly looked to the side and forced the blush down.  
  
Heero's face became even more unreadable than it was before as Duo haltingly continued his query.  
  
"Have you. . . um, ever watched us before?"  
  
I sighed. "Yes." I would uphold what little honor I had left by being honest to the couple.  
  
"Well, why?" Duo still had a hint of disbelief in his voice.  
  
I turned my gaze even farther away, if that was even possible. I did not know how they could bear to look at me. "I would rather not talk about it." I didn't want to think about it.  
  
Suddenly I was being pulled by a painful, vice-like grip, and forced to face them. I winced as if at a bright light. "Answer his question." Heero fairly hissed.  
  
And then anger blossomed in me, anger at Heero for trying to control me, and anger at my own shame. I lashed out, and whipped my arm away, nearly dislocating it in the process. "I said I don't want to talk about it!" I backed away a few paces, trying not to nurse my bruising arm, and setting up a defensive stance, fully anticipating a fight.  
  
Heero growled low in his throat and advanced on me, his eyes narrowing in his own anger.  
  
But before blows could come forth, Duo dashed in between us and pulled Heero away.  
  
"Leave him alone, Heero. If he doesn't want to tell, he won't tell." Duo hung on to Heero's arm and began dragging him to the door.  
  
"But I want to know!"  
  
Heero's shout startled me. Such raw emotion from him proved he was sincerely upset.  
  
Duo opened the door and shoved Heero outside. But before he himself left, he turned one final time to me. "Wufei, don't do it again." And then he was gone.  
  
I sagged against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut, suppressing tears that threatened to leak through.  
  
And my door burst open, leaving a panting Quatre hanging off the doorknob. "What was all the noise about?"  
  
I shrugged, keeping my face neutral.  
  
"Heero and Duo were here, weren't they." It was not a question, so I didn't respond.  
  
"Wufei, you didn't-um, well, uh-you didn't watch me 'n' Trowa, too. . . did you?" There was uncertainty in his voice. He was embarrassed at having to ask such a question, and I was embarrassed to cause him to ask it.  
  
I sighed heavily again. "No, Quatre, I didn't."  
  
He sighed in relief. "Alright then. And Wufei? Don't do it in my house." And he left.  
  
I slid down the wall to the floor, wrapped my arms around my legs, and rested my forehead on my knees. I managed to keep my tears of shame at bay.  
  
What on Earth was I going to do?  
  
~`~  
  
Yay! I wrote a longer chapter! I feel so accomplished! Yay! It's not very long. But it's longer than the others! Yay! Aren't y'all proud of me? 


	4. 4

After the brief confrontations, it was some time before I finally emerged from my rooms. I had holed myself up in them out of sheer embarrassment at being caught at voyeurism. At my bidding, the servants brought my meals directly to me. The others seemed to realize that I needed sometime alone, and therefore did not question my absence at meals and around the gardens. Quatre sent me several notes, assuring me my welcome had indeed not worn out, that he loved me like a brother, and that if I tried to leave again, he simply wouldn't stand for it. I wrote back saying that I understood, loved him too (however reluctantly I scribbled those words, as unused to expressing my emotions directly as I was), and that I would try no such thing. I believe that my brief letter served as a sort of proof that I was still among the living. I could tell he worried about me. We Gundam pilots seemed to be more prone to suicidal tendencies, which was to be expected, considering our pasts.  
  
Not that I hadn't considered suicide. I certainly was miserable enough. But in my situation, it was not the honorable thing to do. So I settled with making it up to Heero and Duo, if they would let me.  
  
What finally drove me out of my lonely solitude was the need for fresh air, sun, and green things. Simple human companionship may have had something to do with it, though not much. I had grown weak in the post-war days like a silly woman.  
  
I joined the other pilots suddenly one day, while they were eating a light luncheon in the easternmost garden. A pleasant heat had settled in the air, and cicadas rang out from the few trees scattered about for shade.  
  
"Wufei!" Quatre cried out, "It's so wonderful to see you again!"  
  
Trowa smiled knowingly like he always did, and Heero crossed his arms and glared at his plate, thinking hard (I could almost see the little hamster running in its wheel in his head). The vein in his right temple was jumping like mad, which meant that he couldn't make up his mind about something. Duo grinned widely and winked at me like he always did, as if we shared a secret that was just for us. Quatre stood to welcome me with a hug, which I didn't return (Trowa was glaring daggers at me until Quatre let go), and sent a servant scurrying for another chair.  
  
When it came, I sat myself between Duo and Trowa. The servant, used to my preferences, brought a light salad with mandarin oranges and spiced dressing. I picked at it for a while, my shoulders hunched. How could they accept me back among their ranks so easily? How could they stand to be near a person as detestable as I?  
  
I didn't want to think about it. So I turned my attention to the others. The four double-dated often, leaving me alone in the house with the exception of the staff. I liked the silence of the large mansion then. Being lonely by myself was better than being lonely with others so close yet so far. Shortly after I arrived, the two couples quickly became absorbed in each other. Trowa and Quatre were sitting close together, their legs pressed together. Trowa had an arm possessively around Quatre's waist as he whispered into the blond boy's ear. Quatre blushed bright red at whatever he was saying.  
  
Then there was Heero and Duo. Duo had managed to untangle one of Heero's arms and tangle his fingers with Heero's. That was all the contact they had, and they didn't say anything. But they didn't need to. The look in Heero's eyes when he gazed at Duo was mirrored in Duo's eyes as he looked at Heero.  
  
And suddenly everything hurt.  
  
I stood up sharply and dashed away from the table. My chair clattered to the ground and stumbled as one of its legs caught on one of mine. Kicking it loose, I ran. I slammed into a door before I realized I needed to pull and not push. Quatre's hallways seemed eternally long as I skidded around corners and pounded up stairs. They all loved each other so very much and I had no one! I was just a fifth wheel. Nobody needed me! I hit a few walls before I realized I couldn't see. I was blinded by tears that coursed down my face. I sagged against a large potted plant and a violent sob escaped my lips. Men did not cry. Real men weren't supposed to cry. I didn't cry! Then what was this wetness on my face? I was crying. Because nobody wanted me. I slammed my fist into the plant's pot, cracking the blue stone. I staggered down the hall again, ignoring the throbbing pain in my hand. I ran my good one through my hair, it had come loose some time during my flight. I broke into a shaky run and sprinted the rest of the way to my rooms. Once inside I shut the door behind me and threw myself onto my futon. I scrambled under the blankets after I ripped off all my clothes except my boxers. Nobody would ever want me! I was weak, and stupid, and. . .  
  
My door opened. I had forgotten to lock it. I lifted my head to see who had come to bother me, my hair ragged and in my face. I tried to stop the tears leaking out of my sore red eyes, but couldn't.  
  
The figure in the doorway took a step closer and shut the door behind them.  
  
It was Heero Yuy.  
  
"Wufei?"  
  
"Go-go away!" I choked out, and turned away from him. He walked to the only two windows in the room and pulled the shades down to block out the noon sun. I peered at him. Another sob escaped me and he turned to look at me. I flinched under his scrutiny. I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want any of them to see me like this!  
  
But then footsteps came towards me, and he knelt by my side. "Wufei?"  
  
I propped myself up on my elbows and sniffled. The blankets fell away from my bare, quaking shoulders. Heero's eyes met mine and he gasped ever so slightly.  
  
"Oh, Wufei. . ." He put his hands underneath my arms and pulled me to him. I didn't resist. He wrapped one arm around me, and tucked my loose hair behind my ears before pressing my face to his shoulder. I clung to him, and when he rubbed my back in slow smooth motions, I began to sob wildly, and clutched at his tank top. I didn't understand why he was here, but at that moment, I didn't care.  
  
"Shh, Wufei, everything is going to be all right. I promise." I didn't listen to him. There was no way he could have kept that promise! But he listened to me, when I tried to explain to him *why* it wouldn't be all right, in a broken voice, repeatedly interrupted by new bouts of uncontrolled weeping. And all the while, he smoothed my hair, rubbed my back, and held me close.  
  
When I was done, he gently laid me back on the futon. I gazed up at him through sore and tired eyes, for all the world like a newborn babe, vulnerable and weak, unsure of the world, of people, and mostly of myself. My near nudity must have completed the picture. And I begged him, with my eyes, not to leave.  
  
He must have understood, because he tucked me under the covers, took off his shoes, and climbed in after me. We laid there for a good few minutes, not touching, before I leaned over on an impulse and kissed him. His lips were a little rough, but pleasant all the same. I drew back slowly, afraid he would be upset. But amazingly, he wasn't.  
  
He put one hand behind my neck and tilted my head with it so he could kiss my forehead and draped one arm around my waist, pulling me close.  
  
This was the first time I had ever snuggled with the Perfect Soldier. I had shared a bed with him multiple times on missions, as I had with the others, when there had been only one bed, or the cold had driven us to bunk together. The other pilots and I had always cozied up if it was the only way to be comfortable on a tiny bed, or the only way to keep warm on a cold night. Hell, Duo snuggled up to everyone whether they wanted it or not, despite how big the bed may have been, or how warm the air. But this was the first time I had *ever* snuggled with Heero.  
  
And it felt nice.  
  
And the pain lessened, just a little bit.  
  
~`~  
  
O wow would you look at that! Another update! This chapter was supposed to be longer but this just seemed like such a nice ending place.  
  
Don't worry! I will make the next chapter soon. 


	5. 5

Oh look! An update! I didn't think I had it in me. At any rate, go read my comic at blackangel.keenspace.com! Please? I'll write more fic! I promise!  
  
Oh, and I would like to add, that if you caught one of your best chums peeping at you and your boy/girlfriend kissing (on purpose and had been doing it before{not the kissing, the peeping}), wouldn't you be weirded out?  
  
~`~  
  
Heero left me sometime when I was asleep. I was a little disappointed to wake without him, but I could understand that he might be uncomfortable in such a situation. I did not move from my bed for hours, and while I lay awake I breathed in his lingering scent. I hid my head underneath the blankets, and pretended the world did not exist. I was all that was, and all that was was I.  
  
However, it was not the escape from this world that I longed for.  
  
I rose then, and fumbled for the light switch, tripping over my bedding as I did so. It was dark as pitch, and the yellow glare from my single lamp was sharp on my ill-adjusted eyes. It was three in the morning. I dressed in my standard attire of white pants and a blue tank top; I brushed my hair, and swept it up into its tail, securing it with a black rubber band. I washed my face with cold water, ridding myself of tear-stained cheeks and red, blotchy eyes. Gazing into the mirror above the sink, I judged myself presentable should I happen upon any of the other residents of the luxurious mansion.  
  
As I walked slowly up a flight of stairs and to the little pseudo-kitchen, I was glad my limbs no longer trembled and my stride was steady. Nearing the kitchen, I heard a high-pitched whistle go off. Someone was making tea. But at this hour? I neglected to remind myself that *I* was up and planning to make tea. I pushed the door open and saw Duo Maxwell outlined in the semi-darkness by the soft white glow of the stove light. He looked up.  
  
"Oh, hey, 'Fei," he paused, "You look like shit. Here, take this." He poured some of the hot water from the kettle into a single mug on the wooden table. He rummaged in his jean pockets (several times) before he pulled out a tea bag and dropped it into the mug. He pushed it towards me, and I picked it up cautiously and wrapped my hands around it. Breathing in the steam it emitted, I wrinkled my nose. The tea bag had been in his pocket with god knows what other filth. He took another mug from a nearby cupboard, poured in some more of the water, and added another tea bag (after much searching). His braid whisked softly as he worked, swinging from hip to hip and back again. I was mesmerized for a moment before he turned to me, stirring sugar into his tea with a spoon. I took a sip of mine (and with delight discovered it was Orange Pekoe), removed the tea bag, and threw it away. Duo was sitting on the table, facing the window they had seen me peeking through, seemingly wrapped in thought. I did not want to disturb him, and so I turned to leave. But his head swung around at the slight noises I made, and he peered at me over his shoulder, leaning his weight on one hand behind him. He patted the space next to him on the table top.  
  
"Wufei, I think we need to have a chat."  
  
I nodded and sat next to him gingerly. Hunching my shoulders, I cradled my mug in my hands to give myself distraction. I didn't want to look at him.  
  
He was silent for a moment, during which we both stared out the window at the brightening sky over the tree line.  
  
"I talked to Heero."  
  
I nodded slowly, just barely showing acknowledgement of his words.  
  
"He told me things. He told me about what happened after you ran from us. About what you said to him. And I think I understand you more now." Hunched over as I was, he fingered his mug, "And I can forgive you." He squeezed me unexpectedly, in a quick one-armed hug, before hopping down from the table, leaving his mug behind. He leaned on the windowsill and gazed past his reflection in the glass.  
  
"He also told me that you kissed him. And after we finished talking, he took me in his arms and he kissed me. He *kissed* me kissed me. Slipped me the tongue and everything. . . It was-incredible." I watched him talk, and his knees bent a little, as if weakened, and he shivered slightly in remembrance. "We made more progress yesterday than we have in the last two weeks. And I just have one question."  
  
I nodded once again and he planted himself firmly in front of me with his hands on his slim hips.  
  
"Why the hell don't I get a kiss too?" He turned to me, and I saw the desperate lust in his eyes.  
  
My jaw dropped. But before I had time to think, he launched himself at me and knocked me flat on the table, his mouth over mine, his body wriggling over mine. My legs from the knees down hung over the table. I could hear my mug shatter on the floor beyond the sound of my blood pumping in my ears. I struggled to get up.  
  
He withdrew his tongue from my mouth long enough to whisper in my ear before attacking me again. "It's all right, I'll clean it up later."  
  
But his words brought me back to my senses. He didn't really mean this. I was just a useful prop for when he was afraid of scaring Heero away. I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him off of me. He landed with a thud against the wall under the window, and I looked at him for a moment while he rubbed his head and swore under his breath. And then I ran. Out of the kitchen, down the hall, and around a corner where I smacked into a hard chest. Reeling backwards from the impact, I looked up to see Heero, and suddenly anger bloomed in my chest. I pointed at him and glared.  
  
"You! Don't send your stupid boyfriend to jack off on me when he can't get any off of you! I won't," I continued, "be fucked with!" And I ran past him. 


	6. 6

Whoohoo! Another update! You can thank Vuli for this one. Go read her magnificent fics! And go read my comic! Blackangel.keenspace.com!  
  
~`~  
  
Heero pushed the kitchen door open, and found Duo levering himself up from the floor, leaning heavily against the wall. He grunted in surprised concern and started towards his boyfriend, automatically reaching out.  
  
But Duo's hand left the back of his head, where it had been rubbing softly in agitation, and motioned for him to stay where he was. "I'm-I'm alright, just bumped my head, but -damn- has peace made me soft!" Sure enough, he straightened, before bending over immediately to open a cabinet and fetch out a dust pan and brush. He knelt on the floor and quickly swept up the ceramic remains of a coffee mug, before grabbing a washcloth and sopping up the small puddle of spilled tea. When he was done, he sighed in exasperation and faced the other boy. His mood had been completely killed by Wufei's response. Not that he could blame Wufei; he, himself, had not done all that much explaining before-jumping him. Yes, that was it. He had jumped him, with little to no warning, when Wufei was already rather emotionally distraught. "Damn," he muttered.  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow at him. "I thought we agreed to talk to him together at a more reasonable hour."  
  
Duo grimaced. "I'm sorry, Heero, but I couldn't help myself. You made me so Goddamn -horny- before. He came in, and God, Heero, he looked so -miserable-. What-Heero?"  
  
Heero looked decidedly uncomfortable, and was very carefully looking anywhere but straight at Duo. "I-understand. That you have some needs I am not able to take care of-yet."  
  
"I love you Heero, don't ever forget that."  
  
Heero smiled warmly at the other boy. "I don't ever plan to."  
  
~`~  
  
I shivered as I threw my sparse belongings into a single duffle. I wished I dared to take a burning hot shower to rinse off Duo's touch. Nataku above, but I will not be played with! I am not just here for their amusement!  
  
But by the gods above, it had felt good.  
  
I shivered again. A shower could wait until I found a motel or some other accommodation.  
  
I grabbed my duffel and snatched my katana off the wall where I had it mounted, before replacing it back in its holder. I wouldn't need it where I was going and carrying a sword would look suspicious in the new peace.  
  
I gazed at it longingly; I hated to leave it behind. A piece of art really, it embodied my past, much as Maxwell's braid did his; my clan.. my child-wife.. my struggle through the war and with myself, that last being a problem I have yet to resolve.  
  
But in doing so. . .  
  
. . . it was a way of breaking things off, starting new. I had a chance to start a new life.  
  
And I'd be damned if I wasn't going to take it.  
  
-----  
  
This is a ridiculously short chapter, but hey, at least it's here, right?  
  
And hey, I liked the last line. Makes a good ending line, doesn't it?  
  
At any rate, feel free to drop me a line, but please don't rant about the shortness of this chapter.  
  
Oh yes, please go see my comic: blackangel.keenspace.com and keep an eye on my archive which I am still laboring over.  
  
And as a random site plug, go check out bookcrossing.com. It's not mine, but it's a terrifically neat idea, isn't it? I've joined up and I'm about to go find a book I can release "into the wild".  
  
Well then, see you next time.  
  
EI 


	7. 7

Surprise surprise I'm updating!!!  Anywho, I'll keep this author's note short, because I've always hated having to skip over the paragraphs and paragraphs of author's notes when I read other people's fics.

I want to thank everyone who's read this fic and give special thanks to those who have reviewed!  I do believe (despite the terrible OOCness that fades in and out) that this has remained the most popular fic I've ever written (barring the DPI, but that doesn't count because it's a completely different fandom).  Keep an eye out, because after this, there are only two chapters left.  I think.  You know that feeling where you just ­_know_?  Well I _know_.  Let's see if I can actually write them!  Kumagoro BEAM!!!!

~`~

It amazes me sometimes, how much of a fool I can be.  How shamed and dishonorable.  It seemed death was all there was left for me, but even that I was not allowed to have as I clung to the last muddy shreds of my dignity.

Or at least that's what I told myself, as I burned in the cheap plastic stall, red face turned up to the rusted shower head.  The searing hot water did not cleanse me or make me feel better about myself.  It was a form of self-punishment and I reveled in it.

I reached out a shaking hand and turned the heat up a notch, and a slow, small, feral grin curled my lips into grim pleasure.

And I reveled in it.

~`~

"He WHAT?!"

Heero dug a pinky into his ear and swirled a bit before removing it again.  He hoped to one day use his hearing once more after Duo's astonished shout.  But then again, if he heard what had caused Duo's holler more often, he might not want his hearing back.

"Like I said, sir, I'm sure it's all in this note, should you care to read it."  The decidedly unruffled butler, a cousin of Relena's infamous Pagan undoubtedly, held out a white-gloved hand, upon which rested a note folded so hastily it held none of the obsessive geometric preciseness of their friend's hand.

"Damn straight I'm gonna read it!" The brash American fumbled with the note, dropped it with shaky hands, and reached for it again.  But before he could bend properly at the waist, the butler snatched the slim piece of paper and held it out to Heero instead.

"Perhaps _you, sir."  The uptight man much preferred Heero's calm, solid attitude to Duo's hectic and wild behavior.  He sniffed audibly in the opposite direction of his least favorite master._

Duo glowered and glared and then settled on sulking.  He wasn't in his own wing after all.  God forbid he'd want to visit the library.  God forbid indeed!

Heero took the note in his deft fingers and unfolded it, while Duo whipped out his cell phone and began dialing frantically.

"Q, d'you know anything about this?!"

Heero's eyes scanned the thin script, the barest emotion on his face.  But his fingers clenched ever so slightly, enough to crinkle the paper.  He could vaguely hear Quatre's voice through Duo's phone.  Until Duo started yelling.

"You knew?!  You KNEW?!"  He was starting to go red in the face.

"Duo." Heero called softly, his eyes still on the brief letter.

Duo snapped his phone shut, not even bothering to say goodbye.  "I'm sorry, Heero, but I can't help but feel this is all my fault!"

Heero wrapped an arm around his lover's waist and drew him snug against his side.  Turning Duo's focus towards the note, he said, "I can't help but think that this is all our faults."

_Dear Friends,_

_I once loathed the day I would have to tell you this, but now I welcome its reprieve.  I know that this will hurt you, but I cannot bear it any longer.  My soul is being torn to shreds and even now the last pieces are being wasted away.  Living with all of you was a joy at first.  I felt loved and comforted.  But with time, it became clear to me that I did not belong._

_I do not plan on returning and likewise do not look for me._

_At indeterminate intervals I shall let you know of my continued existence._

_Chang.___

~`~

I collapsed to my hands and knees underneath the torrent of liquid steam.  My knees were jelly and my arms shook.  The water was beginning to cool down as I used up the last of the hot water and I had long since turned from pink to red.  With trembling, clumsy fingers, I reached for the tap and fumbled twice before I had a firm grasp on it.  I slowly turned off the water and sat back on my knees, supporting my torso with my hands and arms.  Letting my legs slide out from beneath me, I laid down on my side, watching the remnants of water drain away.  It wasn't long before I fell asleep.  Or unconscious.  It didn't matter to me.  I was dead to the world for several hours, caught in a dreamless sleep that I never wanted to end.

~`~

"I couldn't stop him!  I just. . . I just couldn't!" Quatre cried.  "He has such pain in his heart." His voice quavered. "All I wanted to do was help and all I did was make it worse!"  His hands were clenched on his knees, his shoulders hunched, his face down.  His eyes were squeezed shut and tears steadily flowed from them.

His lover sat next to him, his emerald eyes crinkled with worry.  His friend was who knew where doing who knew what and Quatre was tearing himself to pieces over it.  He slipped an arm around the smaller boy's waist and hugged him close, turning the fair, blond head to his shoulder, and small hands clutched at his sweater.

_There was nothing we could do_, Trowa thought as he closed his eyes, holding his lover tightly against him.  Never having been a cheerful person to begin with, it seemed Chang Wufei was fated to a life of misery.

~`~

My skin felt stretched and pinched all at the same time.

That was the first thing to come to my mind as I slowly woke up, even before I opened my eyes.  My hair was spread over my face, nearly dry.  I could not muster the energy to sweep it behind my ear.

I could stir my limbs a little, just enough for the pain to register.  I had boiled myself alive.  It hurt.  A lot.  But I felt I had been justly punished.

I laid there for hours, limbs stiff and aching.  My joints were swollen horribly.

And as if I hadn't been dehydrated enough by the scalding water, my eyes decided to start leaking.


	8. 8

[A/N]: Hmm, the eighth chapter... that means only one more to go. I would just like to say that with inconsistent character reactions, OOC-ness, and one hell of a horrible plot, I am very surprised that this fic managed to garner such a gathering of fans. Needless to say, I am also grateful and I wish you all lots of Pocky. Extra Pocky for those who review! Pocky may or may not actually exist.

I had to move; I knew it. I had to leave this dingy little motel and relocate to a new site, preferably one much farther away. This one was rather risqué in its relative closeness to Winner's mansion, being only twenty to thirty miles distant. I didn't think I'd ever be able to look any of them in the eye again: I wanted to be on the other side of space.

But to do that, I first had to move. From the bathtub, that is, where I was still situated after several hours of self-punishment, post-self-punishment revelry, and several bouts of unconsciousness. Moving proved to be... a semi-difficult task, one that would be accomplished of course, and hopefully as quickly as possible. This location was too insecure.

Every nerve of mine seemed to be afire. It was incredible and... exhilarating almost. To know what I had done to myself. And it hurt. A lot. But I deserved it. I deserved every nerve that lay afire beneath my parched and reddened skin.

It never occurred to me that I did not have to blame myself for everything.

"How do you feel about Wufei?"

Heero glanced quickly at Duo, and then focused his eyes back on the road. Neither of them had moved much in the last hour and had not spoken at all. The noise surprised him and the question even more so.

"I... don't know." His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. They had been driving for several hours now, hunting for any trace of the missing pilot. Duo had spent most of the time staring out the window. A speed limit sign zipped past them. Fifty-five miles per hour. He took his foot off the gas. Fifty-five miles was too slow. "How do _you_ feel about him?" He had an inkling that this was really what his boyfriend was getting at.

"I'm not sure. At first, I just wanted to make him a little less lonely until he found someone for himself."

Heero nodded. That was what he had been hoping for as well.

"But then I started thinking and I came to the conclusion that there really wasn't anyone out there for him that could understand him, could understand what he's been through, what we've all been through."

"Hai," he prompted. Despite his love of communication, Duo sometimes needed to be shoved a little in the right direction to let his true feelings out.

"Not even Sally, and God knows where she is now."

"Somewhere in the south of China. That's where her last letter was from."

"Right. It's like how I could never love, really love, anyone but one of the four of you, because no one else could even begin to understand how my mind works and what I need and so on."

"Yes, I am the same." He understood what Duo was saying perfectly. It would have been impossible to let an outsider in.

"Q and T feel like this too, and I would imagine so for Wuffers as well. But Wufei doesn't have _anybody_ outside of us, not even friends. You have Relena, I've got Hilde and Howard and his crew, Trowa's got Catherine and the circus, and Quatre's got all of his twenty-eight sisters _and_ all forty Maganacs. But all Wufei has is us, and none of us are even there for him when he needs somebody."

"We have—"

"No, Heero, we haven't. He never looks like anything is bothering him, but he's just as good an actor as I am. Maybe even better. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he doesn't tell us anything because we've never given him a chance to open up? We always get absorbed in each other. Have you noticed that? Q and T do it too. Do you know how many times we've left him alone in the house? With no one there to make sure he was doing alright? Do you remember the last time you asked him how he was? I don't. He's always just kind of been around. I kind of always thought he would be."

"He's hurting. He's lonely. He needs someone. These are things I know," Heero added. "Before he and I talked, I would never have guessed these things. There was always something off about him, but I thought it was just who he was because he had been like that since I met him." He took his foot off the gas again. He was nearing seventy miles an hour. Fifty-five, he reminded himself, fifty-five. Fifty-five was too slow.

"Heero, then I stopped thinking and started feeling. And I found that I didn't want him to be lonely anymore, but I also didn't want him with anyone else. I want him with us. It's not love... but I think it could be in the future."

Heero didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on the road. He took his foot off the gas pedal again. He didn't know how it kept getting there. Fifty-five miles per hour.

"...Heero?"

He spared his boyfriend another glance. "I think... that I feel that way too."

Ta da!  Okay, it's a little short.  But at least it's here!  After five (six?) months!  Only one more chapter after this and that might be long because I am def not making a tenth chapter.  Everything is going to be finished!  Yay!  Now you guys can't complain that I don't put out anymore!


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